Sunday, December 6, 2009

DECEMBER 6, 2009 - A BITTERSWEET BIRTHDAY TO ME



Emily, age 17, in 1996                       Me, age 23, in 1981  

This is a post that I put on the Atkins Community Forum on my birthday:

I have not been able to be on the Atkins Forum a lot lately, and I wanted to explain why to some of you who have been missing me.

A couple of months ago, my husband and I expanded our business, and I have had to devote a significant amount of time getting things set up. It will probably not let up for several more months. I had hoped it would not take as much time as it has been taking, but I guess it is what it is. I hoped that I would only have to cut down a little on my “Forum Time”, but I am finding that I have little if any time to get here with any regularity.

I just want to say that I really miss being here every day and I think about everyone here all the time. I am looking forward to the time that I can be here more often.

I started Atkins on March 15, 2009, and I really feel like this Forum has become my lifeline in very many ways. I have made good friends, and have received so much help in my slow weight loss. I have also felt privileged to be able to extend help to others that have shared my struggles.

Before I go off again, maybe not to be seen for several days, I wanted to share a few personal things with you.

First of all, today is my birthday. I am 54 years old, and I feel great and healthy and slim. So it is a good day.

On the other hand, I have not been having a good holiday season, generally speaking. This year is the 13th Christmas that I have been apart from my dear daughter Emily Rebecca, who was killed on the 4th of July in 1997 in an automobile accident at the age of 18. She had just graduated high school three week before. She was practically perfect in every way, beautiful, giving and sweet natured, and we had an uncommonly close relationship.

I have not talked about Emily on this Forum for many reasons, but mainly because I still struggle so with her loss, and don’t like to bring it up and burden people with the knowledge of that struggle.

My husband and I also struggle with the loss of our 26 year old son, Joe, who died in an accident in 1991. He was my husband’s son and my stepson.

I have also had two babies die in the womb, one in 1976 and another, shortly after my daughter’s death, in 1998.

I also have terminal disease in my family. My grandfather and mother both died young, at 59 and 62 of ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease. My chances and the chances of my four biological sisters, of contracting this disease are 1 in 2, and if I do get it, it will be in the next few years.

At this point, you may be wondering why I am being such a downer today! I guess it is because I so often feel like an outsider with secrets that are uncomfortable to share, and only the people closest to me know all about me. But I have come to know and love so many people here that I decided to “come clean” and tell you more about myself.

Although I am having a tough time at the moment, and for these past few weeks, I generally try to be upbeat and happy in my daily life, and take great pleasure in my surviving son and my two beautiful grandchildren. I enjoy eating well, being healthy for as long as I can, and my life with my dear husband is good.

So, all that being said, I feel like a weight has been lifted now that I don’t have to pretend that all is always well! Thanks for listening, and I’ll be here as often as I can!

2 comments:

  1. Rebecca, I am new to the forum and I am honestly happy that you posted this. Here's why: The truth really does set us free. When you allow your truth to be known, the light of the universe shines on you. Your load has been heavy but your back has been made strong. Telling it is akin to letting it go. I wish you peace. You are positive all the time because you understand how precious life is and yours is a life that is being lived to the fullest. It is understandable that you are having a hard time right now. Just know that God's love for you is greater than you know. We all pour out love to your family. Now that you have opened up, maybe one day, you will begin to celebrate her life with peace. The day will come when dates will have no hold over you and if the date of her death no longer has power, then you will be free to remember her beauty anytime you wish with joy in your heart and not mourning. I love you.

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